Is My Perfectionism Making Me Anxious?
by Dan Tsouloufis
Many Christians struggle with perfectionism in their faith. Unfortunately, perfectionism can take the form of robbing us of our peace, freedom, and joy in Christ. Oftentimes, we compound the problem by worrying too much, as well as doubting God’s goodness and God’s promises in His Word. When we find ourselves in this mindset, we may feel that our faith is too small or too weak. We need to be reminded that it is not the strength of our faith that matters, but the strength of the Savior whom we placed our faith in.
There is a danger of being overly self-critical, as well as adhering to a false standard of our own making. We should not let the devil get a foothold here. The gospel of Christ gives us real freedom (Rom. 5:1-2; Rom. 8:1-2; Rom. 15:13; Gal. 5:1; Eph. 3:12; 2 Cor. 3:17). It does not give us a spirit of fear (Rom. 8:15; 2 Tim. 1:7; 1 John 4:17-18). Moreover, the apostle Paul tells us not to be anxious about anything (Phil. 4:6). Yet it’s tempting for Christians to worry about many things, including even the assurance of their salvation.
When I have a counselee who is struggling with perfectionism, I recommend that they contemplate (and journal) these two questions: 1) What is hindering me from experiencing peace, freedom, and joy in Christ? and 2) How do I want others to view me? Do I want others to view me as a morally righteous and upstanding person? Or, rather, as someone who demonstrates confidence and joy in Christ?
I recognize that my second question is a bit provocative, but there’s a reason for it. I think it’s important that Christians are characterized by humility regarding their own righteousness, and confidence and joy regarding Christ’s righteousness. Moreover, when we’re seeking to be a witness to nonbelievers, what do we want them to be drawn to? Do we want them to be drawn to us because we think we’re a morally righteous and upstanding person?
Instead, wouldn’t it be better if nonbelievers are drawn to us because of our confidence and joy in Christ? Wouldn’t it be better if we’re able to express our own failures and weaknesses, yet also express our hope and freedom in Christ? Isn’t this the heart of the gospel?
It is also important to recognize the constant spiritual battle we are in (2 Cor. 10:4; Eph. 6:11-12; James 4:7; 1 Pet. 5:8). The devil wants Christians to remain self-critical and to focus on their own works instead of resting in the finished work of Christ on the cross. This is a spiritual discipline of mind renewal that all Christians must seek to cultivate, with the help of God’s Word and the Holy Spirit (Rom. 12:2; Rom. 15:13; Eph. 4:23; Col. 3:2; 2 Cor. 10:5).
Also, we need to be reminded that Christ’s commands “are not burdensome” (1 John 5:3). Christ tells us that He is “gentle and humble in heart…for my yoke is easy and my burden is light” (Matt. 11:29-30). The apostle Peter tells us to “cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you” (1 Pet. 5:7).
Some perfectionists, with good intentions, focus more on Jesus’ radical teachings about denying themself and carrying the cross, than on passages that convey our freedom in Christ. In response, I encourage them that they need to maintain a balance, based on the whole counsel of Scripture. We don’t want to drift too far one way and become legalistic in our thinking (thereby choking out grace), nor do we want to drift too far the other way and become antinomian in our thinking (thereby disregarding God’s command to be holy).
We can, and should, walk in true freedom in Christ (based on His righteousness, not our own), while at the same time pursue holiness as we grow in sanctification. Perfectionists need to let this concept sink in, otherwise they end up (unwittingly) practicing a works-based righteousness, which doesn’t draw them any closer to Christ, nor does it give them peace and freedom in Christ.
Here’s an illustration I have given to some of my counselees. If they are struggling to have peace, freedom, and joy in Christ, it will affect so many other areas of their spiritual life. For example, if you discover that your house has a leaky roof, the water will trickle down and it will eventually damage the drywall as the water flows downward. Thus, it won’t do any good to only replace the damaged drywall; you must also fix the leaky roof. Likewise, if you are not walking in peace, freedom, and joy in Christ, it would be wise to seek to understand why, and get to the root of the matter, since it will affect other areas of your spiritual life.
This is why I encourage my counselees to have a self-image based on their identity in Christ, rather than an image of their own making, or an image based on how others perceive them. Moreover, it is never healthy or productive to compare ourselves to others, since this can lead to pride (I am better than others), or it can lead to self-loathing (I am less than others). Neither of these scenarios align with God’s view of us, nor do they align with a biblical view of grace and sanctification.
Lastly, it is important that we place our trust in God’s promises in His Word, not our feelings. Our feelings are important, but we don’t want to be ruled by them. It is also important that we place our trust in God’s sovereign control, not our own control, which can make us anxious and fearful, because we’re often trying to control things that are outside of our control. Our goal should be to trust the Lord and be motivated by our faith in God’s Word, His promises, and His faithfulness. That is where true peace and freedom comes from.
“The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship” (Rom. 8:15).
“For God gave us a Spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control” (2 Tim. 1:7).
“For the Word of the Lord is right and true; He is faithful in all He does” (Psalm 33:4).
